Monday, March 6, 2017


This weekend the second "Fifty Shades. .  ." movie became the highest grossing movie of 2017.

This weekend Facebook blew up with the "controversy" of having a gay character in a movie about an abusive relationship between a young, sheltered woman and a were-buffalo.

This weekend was my one year divorce-aversary.

These things may or may not be related. Probably not.

Still, I feel the need to say this; I don't believe in censorship. I believe that we, as individuals, have the right and responsibility to self-censor. To decide what we want in our lives. However, I believe just as strongly, if not more so, that literature and movies have things to say about society, about ourselves, even if we don't agree with them. Maybe especially. So, while I don't like, don't support, and will never read a piece of poorly-written, sophomoric, Twilight fan-fiction that paints abuse as glamorous and sexy, I will defend the right of the author to write it and the right of people to read it. I will question their taste, but not their right.

But . .

But something else needs to be said. In case someone needs to hear it. That something is this:

Abuse, even if the abuser is richer, smarter, more glamorous, more charming or more anything is not okay.

Abuse, even (especially) if you are dependent on the person for hearth and home, is not okay.

Abuse, even if (s)he is emotionally damaged, is not okay. It is not your job to turn a beast into a prince, and the simple fact is, only a very small proportion are victims of a sorceress' spell.

Abuse even (especially) if YOU are damaged, is not okay. In fact, most abusers pick partners with self-esteem issues, mental health issues, or who have already been traumatized.

Emotional abuse is still abuse.

Sexual acts of any sort without consent, EVEN IF YOU HAVE GIVEN CONSENT BEFORE, is abuse.

Being forced or manipulated into a type of relationship you do not want, is abuse.

If you are being abused, IT IS OKAY to demand that it stops.

If you are being abused YOU DO NOT HAVE TO STAY. There are resources out there. There are people who love you and will help you. Yes there are. No matter what you've done. Feeling isolated is part of abuse.

Abuse is not glamorous Abuse is not love. Abuse is not romantic

That is all.